Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
