when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
