drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
