New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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