Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
