My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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