Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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