So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
