What did we do last night that was yellow?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
