Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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