Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
