Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
