There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You made out with two different species that night
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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