Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
