I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
