Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
