i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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