just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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