you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
