how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
