The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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