i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
