i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
