i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
