It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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