Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
