I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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