allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
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