dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
