i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
