Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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