I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
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My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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