I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
