I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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