they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
