I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
