i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
