Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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