i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
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That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
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Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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