Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
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He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
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Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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