if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
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his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Pooping to opera.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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