It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
