i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
