Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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