I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
