I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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