I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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