I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
