i love accidental penises.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
