and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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