found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
