someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
