All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I will pee on everything he values.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
