Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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