2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
