I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
