Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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