Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
