Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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