I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
