I could have mohawked her pubes.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
