My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
