i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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