Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
