Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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