The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
